There are times in your life where you feel like complete shit. Believe me, I have had those times quite a lot. Growing up, I wasn’t really the most social kid out there. I mean I had friends, but my only friends were people who were equally awkward while socialising like me. I wasn’t the cool one ever. It’s not like I am the cool one now, but I am way better than I used to be.
Something About Me
I remember the days where I was picked at last when teams were made (for any damn sport, except swimming, lol. Sara Joshi, my classmate was way better though). To add to this I wasn’t the most brilliant student out there. Well, there are tons of things that I can say to establish in your minds the kind of loser I was, but no one cares. So saving your time, just know this- I WAS A DAMN LOSER. We will say this for now because I thought I was, but I wasn’t:-).
What happens with losers like this, no one cares. I felt like I was always sidelined and thought that people are cruel towards me. Somehow over the years, my self-esteem had said goodbye to me. I had no confidence to talk to girls whom I found attractive. With time, I simply accepted the fact that I am just not quite up there like other boys.
Books, My Favourite Companions
The small circle of friends I had, they became everything for me. I have spent all of my childhood with most of them and don’t get me wrong, I am really grateful for each of them. But I had some other friends as well, my books. Books are very good companions. I started reading at quite an early age, but initially, I didn’t do it that much. Later on, as my senses grew, books started making more sense than people around me, so I started sticking with books more and more.
Somehow, when you read books people magically interpret you as an intelligent person. This is what happened and believe me, you do get intelligent. Your language skills improve along with your observational skills, at least for me and a million other people, it did. I became smarter, and I could feel it. It brushed off in the way I communicated with people. Books taught me that things or events that take place have a lot of angles and perspectives, and that mine is neither right nor wrong, it is just mine. I learnt, that if I understood things, I will become better and smarter. From the understanding, I don’t mean just from the knowledge that I have, but to understand it with the knowledge of someone else.
Cricket Changed a Lot of Things
I was introduced to this sport by my friends at my colony. Earlier I just got to field. No bowling, no batting. I was so happy even for that. But soon, I got to bat and bowl too, and when I performed, I felt so exhilarated. I felt like that because I thought I could contribute to my team and they would appreciate my efforts (and they did, my friends, all my bhaiya log( big brothers), were very kind). That made me love the game. It gave me a sense of belonging.
When you feel like you belong to something greater than yourself, you know nothing can beat that feeling. I belonged to my team’s win. Even though I wasn’t the best at it, I always gave my 100% effort. This is the sport which introduced me to something which has had the most impact on me – Running.On 21st November 2019, I did something which I wasn’t sure I would do. I was bored and frustrated. I wanted to get out and go for a 5km to feel good. But when I reached 5km, I didn’t really feel good or satisfied. So I thought, let’s do a 10km and maybe then I would feel good about myself. But that didn’t work as well. Then the thought of 15km crossed my mind and I instantly knew I had to get that milestone. My body wasn’t ready for it. Not that I haven’t run this long before, but somedays your body isn’t at its best self. I had not slept well. No carbs before run. But I wasn’t satisfied so I ran anyways. By the time I reached 13th km, my body was out of using reserves as well. My legs were aching, nerves pulling really hard so I had to stop. I had been running for I don’t even know how long. But I knew, if I stopped now, all of it would be have been for nothing. So I dragged myself and walked and jogged and walked and jogged for the last 2 km and I did it. Now, I have done 15km before, but this was by far the hardest run of my life. I know, people run much more than this. But for me, this was my apex effort. And to reach that 15km mark, I had to battle myself. It didn’t come easy, my body wanted to give up on every step that I took. But I had prepared my mind just not to let it go and I won.
I had beaten my comfort zone mentality. I proved to myself, that I can do any goddamn thing that I want to. You don’t even know the kind of high that is. Serotonin rushing through the mind. If only you could feel what I was feeling at the moment, my body was so tired, but my mind felt like it just woke up. All those shitty things that I felt about myself, were gone from the core of me.
Hear Me Out
I realised that all those feelings of being a loser were there more because of my own interpretation of things than how they actually were. No one is a loser and it is sad that people feel that way in the first place. I have been through that mindset of a loser, and believe me you don’t want to stick there all of your life. Running, reading and cricket helped me get ahead all of it. I hope you find something that helps you become better. Even though the headline says ‘from loser to winner’, it doesn’t mean I have won it all. But I am at a much better place than I used to be in. I am more confident about my choices and the way I communicate with people.
Listen, you can be anything that you want to be. No one and I mean no one can stop you, but your own mindset. Keep your mind alert for all the negative thoughts that you have for yourself, don’t let them surface a lot. You will see the change. ‘Believe in yourself’ is not just a phrase. It is the golden ticket to realising your unrealised potential. Stay positive guys, you have it in you. Even when you feel like you can’t do something, just be stubborn, and beat the shit out of that goddamn task.
0 Comments