Heartbreaks are sad! They manage to suck out any bit of happiness there is from our life. When we trust someone a lot and they fuck with that trust, it just shatters our heart. The worst thing is, there are no medicines to cure it. If it is a physical wound, we can dress it up, take pain killers and heal. But there are no pain killers for when you go through a heartbreak. Drinking and drugs don’t help, you can be high for a while, but when you get sober, you realise the pain is still there and you can’t really hide or run from it. But then some people are extreme examples of how one can change their life by being heartbroken.
The Pain Just Increases With Every Other Heart Break
Dealing with a broken heart is one of the most difficult things that you have to learn to manage. Even when you have done it in the past, the feeling of a new heartbreak doesn’t seem to be any easier. I have personally noticed an increasing trend of pain and disappointment with each new heartbreak I go through. You would think that with the next heartbreak, the pain will be lesser because you have been through it before. But that doesn’t happen. When our heart breaks once and we move on, we enter into a cocoon of emotions which we feel is really safe for us.
Then the decisions which we make about who we let inside our lives are made in a very calculated manner so that we can secure ourselves from yet another heartbreak. We think, that if we pay attention and only let good and kind people enter our lives, they will never break our hearts. But the problem arises when they do. Humans are moody and emotional creatures. What this means is, people closest to you can fuck your happiness if they feel like it.
So even the most calculated people and people whom you think are safe for you can hurt you as much as the others. In fact, they will hurt you more because you thought them to be your safe place after your last heartbreak. How do we deal with something like this? With every heartbreak, there is just more scattered pieces of us with no clue about how to pick them up.
I don’t know about you, but I have done this and it’s harder each time that it happens. It’s like it takes away a part of me, a happy innocent part which looked at the world with hope and just leaves a void there. That void doesn’t seem to fill itself with time or people or things, I just learn to ignore it most of the time. But it becomes a part of me, a part which makes me feel weak at times.
How Does it Feel?
Everything just sucks, nothing feels good, nothing matters much. You don’t feel hungry, you don’t feel like going out but you don’t want to stay in your room either. It just fucks you up. You would want nothing more than to go back to your old self, but you know, that’s never going to happen.
You might always seem to find yourself asking ‘why‘? Why did it happen to me? Why would she/he do that? There are a lot of questions, right? But no fucking answers. People come to you, they say good things to make you feel better and sometimes it even works. But the other times, it’s just the same or worse because when people constantly try to make you feel good, you get reminded of the fact that you are really hurt and now others can see it as well.
You walk out of your house on the streets, that little pup playing in front of you looks so cute. But you don’t really have the energy to go play with him. It feels exhausting to engage in anything. It gets worse at nights. You are so alone. Everyone’s sleeping, there is no one to comfort you and you don’t really feel like calling anyone who is up either because your 1 Am partner is gone. Everything just gets so silent, that you are scared to even hear the echos of your cry. You know that you won’t be able to take it. Looking at the mirror feels like you are looking at someone else, the lifeless person is standing in the place of someone who once used to beam with joy, energy and love. You realise its all gone, with one fucking heartbreak.
No One’s Fucking Weak!
There are no weak people, get that straight in your fucking mind. Everyone’s vulnerable against something and if it hurts a lot, that doesn’t mean you are weak. If you can’t manage the hurt, you can take help, that won’t make you fucking weak. That helps you in being strong. But I get it, sometimes you won’t even tell your friends whom you love a lot that how much are you really hurting from inside. Because it all feels too much and telling your friends would just bring all those emotions back.
If only there was something you could do about it. I feel like if somehow, just somehow anything could take away all those memories and feelings away from me. But that’s never happening and the fact that I can’t do anything about it makes me feel miserable. I believe that it’s the same with most of is. What can anyone do?
What Can You Do?
You can try out what I do, just busy yourself with work. When I am going through a heartbreak, I have found that working more helps me keep my mind engaged in something else than my problems. You can also try writing it out, that has seemed to work well with me. There are things which you can try as well which will be your things. I just don’t know if there is a full proof plan of getting out of heartbreak, but you can make one for yourself. There are a few constructive things which I did to help myself, writing it below:
- Be Fucking Vulnerable – Being vulnerable has worked for me in the past. It helps me clearly understand where I am standing emotionally. This can feel quite stupid to you but do it anyway. When you are vulnerable, you are honest. Fuck people if they judge you as a weak person, you are hurting, not them. Do it for yourself.
- Move a Little – Take it from me, this is one of the strongest advice I am giving to you. Moving your body helps. I know, you don’t feel like doing anything, but baby, this is your life, you still have to do something. So move that ass and stretch for maybe a minute or jump or dance but move. I run a lot when I am angry, sad and especially heartbroken. It takes my mind away from the pain. I feel like I am running and leaving behind all the misery. Try it because it releases dopamine and serotonin in your body which is good for feeling happy.
- Stop Lying to Yourself – This is something I have found myself guilty of. I lie to myself that things will return to normal. But that is not going to happen. Things will get normal, that is true, but they won’t be the same normal it used to be. Everything will be different and you and I both need to just accept it.
- Do What’s Right For You – It’s a hard and depressing phase to go through. Heartbreaks are never simple for anyone. You just have to go through it no matter what. Meanwhile, you are going through a heartbreak, just do things which are right for you. I won’t tell you what’s right and wrong to do, that’s your job to figure out principally.
The Bitter Pill
It is almost impossible to get the right answers. You should know that there are no right or satisfying answers. Anything your partner does tell you about why they broke your heart, it won’t ever feel enough to justify the hurt you are going through. So you will be always asking more ‘why’s’. That is why just understand that you have to accept whatever happened. Just take it as what it is.
The earlier you do it, the faster you get to move on. Swallow the bitter pill of acceptance that things have ended. You tried, maybe your partner tried as well, but things aren’t going anywhere now. So just accept that nothing is going to justify what happened.
Don’t make the mistake I make. I think about how she was the perfect one for me, but that’s just wrong. Even though I know that there is no perfect someone, I still think about the perfect happy moments I had with her. This fucks up everything. You think about how you will never find something as perfect as them. Do you think this helps in moving on from the heartbreak? Not at all. You just get more sick of missing them, as I do. So instead, make a list of the things which you felt was wrong about them, read and remember that list. Now, this is something which will help you more in moving on.
Always remember, a perfect relationship is made of hundreds of mistakes and efforts to correct them. This you can do with anyone. So cheer up a little and don’t believe when your mind tells you that they were the perfect ones for you. Anyone can be the perfect one for you, just put in efforts and be open to love.
How To Save Yourself?
Honestly, if you have the answer to this, let me know. It will honestly help a lot; not only me but every other heartbroken person. I don’t think there is any way you can save yourself from heartbreak. Yeah, you can try becoming a monk who has full control of his/her emotions, but apart from that, I don’t know of any other way.
There is a something in heartbreaks though. Even though every other heartbreak is more terrible, it does allow you to spend time with yourself. I think the most I have understood about myself is when I am heartbroken. There is something good in every bad thing that you have to go through, even when it doesn’t feel like it at all.
So the next time you go through a heartbreak, just come here, read this, maybe it will help or maybe it won’t, but fuck it, your time will pass. Heartbreaks can last a lifetime, I know people who are broken to the extent that there is no saving them now. It’s because they chose to stay alone always, tried to drink their way out of it. If only it was that simple man. You are already high on cortisol, why would you need any other drug or alcohol. Just suck it up, take the pain, suffer from it.
But when you do get out it, start preparing for yet another heartbreak. Because that is what life is really! One heartbreak to another and some good happy moments in between. Sounds sad right? Well, it is. But seeing it this way would help it in hurting less to you, or maybe I have got it all wrong, either way, to broken hearts and numb minds, Cheers!
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